What kind of rules should my partner and I have?

Setting boundaries is a way to solidify understanding your’s, your partner’s, and your relationship’s limits. It’s highly recommended to communicate with your partner and come up with a list of your own rules and boundaries together. Newbie swingers often wonder what type of rules or boundaries they should have. We compiled a list of common rules you’ll come across in the Lifestyle.

While this isn’t an all-encompassing list, it includes common ones you will come across over your Lifestyle journey. Most people have a mix of some of these rules, not all of them at once.

Common Swinger Rules And Boundaries For Couples

  • Use of condoms/protection
  • No cumming inside other partners (goes with protection)
  • Only climaxing with your own partner (or must look at own partner when climaxing)
  • Same room only (or does not play separately)
  • Separate play only
  • Group chat and communication only (no solo-communication or talking with each other’s partners separately)
  • No kissing or No kissing above the neck (some couples find mouth kissing much more intimate and reserve that for their own partner only)
  • Equal play (everyone is involved in doing something at the same time no one is left out)
  • Soft swap only
  • Same-sex play only (often this means girl/girl only and the other partners will only watch and not participate)
  • No photos/videos during play
  • Everyone establishes their rules before play
  • Start with their own partner first
  • No playing on the first date
  • Drug-free only
  • Proof of clean STI test prior to playing
  • No cuddling after sex with other partners
  • No “taking one for the team”

Then there are various rules based on your own sexual preferences, such as: No anal, No choking, No use of restraints, No playing with the same sex, other kinks, etc.

As you continue on with your Lifestyle journey, you may adopt new rules or remove rules. This is super normal! Just always make sure to communicate with your partner and play partners so everyone is on the same page.

So you can get an idea, our personal rules after being in the Lifestyle for 7 years now are:

  • Protection always
  • Same vicinity (doesn’t have to be same room, but we don’t play completely separately as in go to play dates without each other)
  • No photos/videos during play (we also don’t share any explicit photos/videos via chat)
  • No cuddling after sex with other partners
  • No “taking one for the team”